WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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