fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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