Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
