I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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