But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
