id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
