shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's rum buckets o'clock
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
