so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
