I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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