when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
honey bunches of taint.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
