Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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