he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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