i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
