cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
