We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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