She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
