Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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