I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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