I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
