shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
