its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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