how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
