Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i believe in u and ur pee
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
