oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
