I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
