you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Found the puke drawer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
