We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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