i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
