I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
