Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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