Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
