White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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