I bet he comes in French.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
