I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
