Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize