my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
