Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
