Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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