Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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