someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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