And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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