i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
