I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
