I love black thongs
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
