Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
