I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
