I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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