my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
