So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
