He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
