yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
