Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
