Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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