Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
