Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
