i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
