Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
