My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
