I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
