may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
