I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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