That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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