Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
