I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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