I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
