Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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