tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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